Never. Keep. Quiet.
Ever.
If someone says something to you that you know is wrong, you speak up. If you overhear someone saying something that keeps oppression safe in dominant culture, you speak up. If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, you speak up.
Many of you who have come to our booth at an event before, have a little brightly-colored Equalizer card. On one side of the card is a pledge to interrupt any homophobic or transphobic speech you hear in a tactful and educational (not shaming) way. Carrying this card entitles you to Equalizer status - you can speak up whenever and wherever necessary, and if anyone gives you trouble, you tell them you’re an Equalizer and it’s your official duty to educate people on how words hurt.
However, I’d like to invite you all to extend that pledge to any kind of oppressive speech or action. Racist remarks, sexist remarks, unwanted cat calls…please speak up! The thing is, a lot of people just don’t realize what they’re saying or how what they’re doing affects others, and that’s why they say these things. They’re just repeating things they heard someone else say or heard on TV, trying to sound cool.
What people also don’t understand is stopping this kind of speech can literally save lives. When people repeat or use certain words, it keeps it “ok” to say them and therefore “ok” for people to think down upon the group the words are oppressing. That, in turn, makes it okay to bully people for things that are inherent to them, like being queer or having a certain skin color, or even to use violence against people. It’s a terrible cycle.
The other night, I was working a show and I heard the lead singer of the band onstage yell out, “Come on, faggots!” between songs. Immediately, I saw red, and was about to tear through the crowd to go yell at the guy. Obviously, that’s not the best response, so it was good I had a moment to breathe and collect my thoughts before I approached him. Later that night, I went over to the merch table and spoke with a different member of the band.
I said, “Hey, I’m pretty sure I heard your singer drop the f-bomb, faggot, onstage tonight. Abuse the audience as much as y’all want, that’s your prerogative, but don’t use that word again. I’m gay, and I know for a fact I’m not the only gay person here tonight, and that word is incredibly hurtful. People have died over it; they’ve been lynched, dragged behind cars…please tell him not to say that onstage again. It’s just not cool.”
I was expecting to get laughed at or told to go screw myself (in much harsher language), but instead, the guy gave me a sincere apology! Then, when I was working the show the next night, he came back and said he talked to his singer and he was very sorry, the word just slipped out, and he’d already been working on not using it anymore. A couple of nights later, I had someone else come by and thank me as well because he knew the singer and had already told him not to say that on stage anymore!
HOW COOL IS THAT?! Little old me with my big old mouth pulled my Equalizer card and actually made a difference. That one guy not saying the f-word in front of 1000 kids each night of this tour means that 1000 less kids per night for the next two weeks will not get reinforcement that the f-word is an okay thing to say.
STAY LOUD!
