Hey Equalizers! I know that the holidays can be a tricky time for the LGBTQA community. Many people either aren’t out of the closet or go home to families who are not supportive, and some even have lost their place to go for the holidays. Here are some tips to follow for each of these situations that will make your days merry and bright.
If you’re out to your family and they disapprove:

1. Don’t pick a fight: Alex touched on this in the Thanksgiving article, but it’s very important. I know it’s hard to hear offensive comments from family members or to even know they may feel a certain way about your life. If someone does make a comment, remember two things: first, they may not be educated about LGBTQ issues and two, anger isn’t going to help them learn. You don’t have to sit back and take it, so if you’re comfortable, simply state calmly why you disagree with the statement or how it is offensive, but don’t engage in an emotional battle.
2. Focus on the positives: Remember, your sexuality and gender identity are not the only things that define you. You have plenty of other things in your life to be proud of like career, school, hobbies and achievements. Take this time to brag to everyone about all the amazing things you’re doing in your life.

If you’re not out to your family:

1. Don’t be ashamed: There is no time limit on when to come out. If you aren’t ready, no one is forcing you. Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but if you feel it’s not safe for you to come out this holiday season, it is 100% your decision. Just remember, sometimes, your family will surprise you with how supportive they are, even if they have a bad reaction initially.  It can be a shock to others (no matter how obvious you might think your identity is), and sometimes your family needs a little time to process before they come around.  Regardless, the holiday dinner table may or may not be the best place for you to make your announcement.
2. If you can, confide in someone: Sometimes it helps, if you can, to have just one person close to or in your family know about your sexuality or gender identity. If you can find someone you know will support you and you’re ready, go for it. Sometimes, baby steps are the best way. If you don’t have a family member, at least keep a friend on speed dial and remember that you can always go hide in another room or take a walk if you need to take a break or call someone to talk.

If you are not permitted to go to your family’s for the holidays:

1. Keep busy: This can be a hard time to be estranged from your family, but that doesn’t mean you have to be estranged from the whole holiday season. Do things that you’d normally do to celebrate: carol, go to your church or synagogue, bake, play in the snow, or make presents for your friends. You still deserve a break and a celebration!
2. Make your own family: If you have a particularly supportive friend, see if you can spend the holiday with their family.  Also, not everyone goes home for the holidays, so it’s possible to find a group of friends and create your own traditions. If you can’t find either, there are several organizations that sponsor LGBTQ holiday gatherings such as Wipeout Homophobia, which shares links to LGBTQ friendly get-togethers in different areas. Remember, you can’t choose your birth family, but you can choose who you spend your time with.

If you’re out to your family and they support you:

1. Give Back: Remember not everyone is as fortunate. If you know someone is alone on the holidays, try to reach out. This goes for anyone, allies or those in the queer community.

The holidays can be a fabulous time for all if we do our best to keep the holiday spirit! If they aren’t, remember, New Year’s is right around the corner and it will be time to start fresh. On a lighter note, enjoy these fun LGBTQ themed holiday treats:

1. Santa comes out article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laurence-watts/santa-claus-gay-comes-out_b_1119330.html
2. LGBTQ Christmas cards: http://www.outinjersey.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1441:the-most-fabulous-gay-family-christmas-greeting-card-ever

- Kristin