Gender for Beginners: Part 1, Defining sex, gender, and all points in between
The first thing most people ask when they find out someone is going to have a child is if they know whether it’s a boy or a girl. The defining characteristic most people use to describe someone is gender, i.e. “That guy over there,” or “That girl in the red shirt,” without so much as a second thought. For the majority of people, that works, but for those that fall into the T and I letters in the queer alphabet soup, it couldn’t be more wrong. The T in LGBTQQIPAA… stands for transgender and the I for intersex, both different types of gender or sex variation.
Our society generally operates within a gender binary, that is, with two genders (like a bicycle has two wheels). However, there are actually more than two genders, and even more than two sexes! If you’re confused, read on for some key definitions to help you understand of the difference between sex and gender and about some different types of gender and sex variance.
Sex: What someone is biologically defined as, generally male, female, or intersex (more on this one later).
Gender: What’s between your ears, not between your legs, and how you present that to the world (and how the world perceives you) through clothes, mannerisms, etc.
Transgender: This is an umbrella term for anyone who identifies as a gender other than what they were assigned at birth.
Transsexual: This is someone who is physically transitioning from their assigned birth sex to something other than their assigned birth sex.
Transvestite: This is someone who enjoys wearing the clothing designed for someone of the opposite gender (such as a male that wears dresses intended for females), often for sexual pleasure.
Drag queen/king: Drag is a type of performance that is done in character and does not necessarily reflect someone’s gender when they aren’t in costume. Generally, it’s someone male-identified dressing as a female (drag queen) or female-identified dressing as a male (drag king), but not always.
Intersex: Intersex has to do with biological sex (i.e. what’s in your pants), not with gender. It can mean one of several types of chromosomal or other birth conditions affecting one’s sexual organs. Being intersex doesn’t make you look any different from someone that isn’t intersex, except sometimes in the pants. Not all types of intersex conditions change the external look of people’s parts though, so from the outside, an intersex person can look exactly the same as a non-intersex person. (NOTE: The term ‘hermaphrodite’ is an offensive word often confused with this, but hermaphrodites don’t really exist in humans. That means that one has complete male and female sex organs, like a banana slug.)
Genderqueer: Someone who is genderqueer does not associate themselves with either male or female as a gender identity, but as something entirely different. Some people think of it as an in-between, or androgyny, others think of it as being a ‘third gender’ that is unrelated to male or female. Some other words people use are pangender, agender, bigender, or genderfluid.
Some terms that are offensive to transgender folks are words like “she-male” or “tranny” and should not be used, ever! (Unless, of course, you’re referring to the transmission of a car ;) )
Another point of confusion for some people that are unfamiliar with transgender is how pronouns work. In case you slept through grammar class, pronouns are those little words we use to assign gender to folks, such as he, she, him, and her. In general, people who are transgender use the pronoun for the gender they are transitioning into. For example, your friend Emily, who was assigned female at birth, tells you one day that they are transgender and wants to be called Ethan and referred to as he. To be respectful of your friend, you would no longer use the name Emily, only Ethan, and you would only use male (he/him/his) pronouns.
Naturally, there are exceptions to every rule, so please ask, “What is your preferred pronoun?” if you aren’t sure which one to use! That is a far more polite way than asking, “Are you a boy or a girl?” because as you learned above, the answer could be neither! ;)
For more information on transgender, genderqueer, and intersex, keep checking back to equalizeit.com for the next installments in this series!
